Casino Gambling Puns
- Casino Gambling Pros And Cons
- Casino Gambling United States
- Casino Gambling Problem
- Casino And Gambling Puns
- Casino Gambling Pictures
- Casino Gambling Usgamex
The best sports betting jokes, funny gambling quotes & humorous images from comedians like Norm McDonald & Jerry Seinfeld. Casino & gambling riddles Solving riddles can be as rewarding as a winning hand of blackjack with the basic strategy. We’ve decided to take a look at some of the most common riddles about gambling and casinos and detail the answers below. It's 8:00 AM at a gambling casino. There are two guys waiting at the dice table for additional competition. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The other two agree. She says, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm not wearing underwear.' The topics for this week’s puns and one liners is gambling jokes. I should add that I’m not much of a gambler; the biggest wagers I seem to make are playing 2p machines at seaside resorts, so I am far from an expert in the topic.
Following on from our recent posts about the fun of having a crack at winning big playing casino games, bingo and poker online we have a few classic one liners for you. They cover all topics such as poker, slots and other casino games like blackjack.
To complement this blog post here is a cheesy stock image of the topic :p We hope you like it.
Read on below for the goodies.
Short Casino Jokes
What is the difference between praying in a church and praying in a casino? In a casino, you really do mean it.
How do you get a sweet little old lady to shout the word f**k? Get another sweet little old lady to yell the word bingo!
Why don’t they allow gambling in the Africa continent? Because of all the cheetahs.
How is a casino like a woman? Liquor in the front, poker in the back!
Where’s the only place in the world you are guaranteed to get screwed? Vegas baby!
What is the difference between a professional poker player and a dog? In about 10 years, the dog will quit whining.
What do you call a girl who is always in the bookies? Betty!
I walked around the casino last night with a pocket full of chips. Even now I am still trying to get the smell of vinegar out of my trousers.
How do you leave Vegas with 1 millions dollars? Go there with 2 millions.
Thanks.
Credit for the image at the top of the post goes to SXC.hu and sgman. Used under royalty free license.
“What did the dealer say to the deck of cards” and many other classic jokes and puns in the world of online gambling, right here, on bestonlinecasino.com. We all enjoy a good laugh and, though playing for real money is no laughing matter, we decided to delight our readers with some of the most hilarious jokes and puns that we could find. This is also a collection that we intend on growing, so make sure to check back regularly for the latest gambling jokes.
All-in in the kitchen
A group of men are playing poker when one is warned that his friend is making love to his wife in the kitchen. All the man wants to know is whether or not he’s all-in.
A man wants to play poker with his wife
A man wants to play poker with his wife because he knows she’s not any good at it, and wants his money back. The wife protests: “but I don’t know how to play poker.”
Bet on everything
In Las Vegas they let you bet on anything. You can even bet if you’re going to win or lose in the casino.
Betting her age
A woman faints when she bets her age and a much higher number comes up, making her feel VERY old.
Betting in Tibet
Two women are having a conversation about a husband who’s planning a trip to Tibet. The woman tells her he goes there because it has ‘bet’ in the name.
Betty the Race Horse
A wife busts her husband for saying his race horse is called Betty, when actually it’s the name of his mistress.
Blonde playing pop machine
A hot blonde woman plays the pop machine and thinks she is winning.
Blonds playing bingo
Blonds are waiting for the number free space to have bingo.
Casino Gambling Pros And Cons
Break even
A man goes to the casino and hope he breaks even, because he really needs the money.
Bring your own chips
A woman puts down frozen French fries on the casino table, as she was told to bring her own (casino)chips.
Broken slot machine
The slot machine is tingling and a blond woman doesn’t realize that she’s just won the jackpot. Instead of that she thinks the machine is broken.
Can’t deal with you
What does a blackjackdealer say to the deck of cards? I can’t deal with you anymore.
Casino chips versus potato chips
A woman is munching on casino chips at a casino table. She tells her friend that she wonders how long they’ve been there, as they’re very hard.
Casino don’t N⁰1: lucky dice
Casino don’t number 1: don’t ask the croupier if you can use your lucky dice when you are playing craps.
Casino don’t #2: counting cards
Casino don’t #2:Don’t bother counting cards with your fingers.
Casino don’t #3: card tricks
Casino don’t #3: don’t ask the blackjack dealer if she knows any good card tricks.
Casino don’t #4: Caribbean stud poker
Casino don’t #4: Don’t wear a Jamaican wig while playing Caribbean poker.
Casino don’t #5: French wheel
Casino don’t N⁰ 5: Don’t ask the Roulette guy if the French wheel was imported.
Casino don’t #6: cheering at your racehorse
Casino don’t N⁰6: Don’t stand up and cheer on your horse at the horse racing game in the casino.
Casino don’t #7: Don’t put your dinner plate on the roulette table
A man puts his plate down on the roulette table, believing he sees a table where he can eat.
Cheating with poker
A player says the other player is cheating, because he knows that those aren’t the cards that he gave.
Conjoined twins at the casino
A man bumps into a pair of conjoined twins at the casino and asks them if they’ve won. The twins reply: “yes and no”.
The difference between a casino and a church
The difference between praying in a church and praying in a casino is that in a casino you really mean it.
Casino Gambling United States
Doctor playing poker
The wife thinks that her husband needs to go to a serious surgery, because there are already 3 other doctors, but he is just going to play poker
Dog playing poker
A dog is playing poker, but reveals his good hand by wagging his tail.
Eating Dice
Two craps dealers are enjoying pudding filled with dice in a restaurant.
The ex winning the jackpot
A man receives a text message from his ex who wants to get back together after winning the lottery.
Favorite song of a poker dealer
A poker dealer who’s doing a dance move from the music video of ‘Everyday I’m shuffling’, while he’s shuffling cards behind his poker table.
High stakes
When an older man sees a vampire walk into a casino he asks: Why do vampires play poker? The other man points to the sign above the entrance, which says ‘High stakes’.
Just looking around
A blind man at a poker table uses his dog to look around the table.
Leaving with a Fortune
A man asks another man why Las Vegas is called the city of fortune. He shows the nickels in his pockets and tells him you have to gamble a big fortune to win at least something.
Looking for blackjack
A woman is looking for blackjack at the casino and asks a coloured man if he’s blackjack.
Losing with mobile poker
A man asks his friend how he managed to lose money playing poker on his mobile phone. He tells him he called himself by mistake.
Lost my wife
A man walks up to a woman and asks if he can stand with her, because his wife always appears when he’s talking to a beautiful woman.
Marriage bet
A man bets that his girlfriend wouldn’t marry him, and she raises him with five.
Money changing machine
A man is happy because he thinks that the money changing machine is a gambling machine.
Casino Gambling Problem
Monkeys playing dice for peanuts
Monkey’s are gambling and a woman wants the guard to stop it, but the monkeys are keeping within the law, they’re only playing for peanuts.
Naked woman winning
A naked woman is distracting the two dealers at the craps table.
Odds to play strip poker
A blackjack player asking the stunning dealer what the odds are she is going to play strip poker instead of blackjack.
Playing aces slowly
A man asks a blonde woman why she is taken so long to play her poker hand. She answers that she is playing, but she wants to play her aces slowly.
Poker don’t N⁰1: card tricks
Never perform card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Praying for the lottery
A man prays to god to help him win the lottery, but god asks him to first buy a lottery ticket.
Safe combination
A blonde woman has won a lot of chips. She tells her friend that she will keep the chips in her vault. The combination for the safe is all 5s, but she won’t say which order they’re in.
Spending too much time in an online casino
That man’s spent so much time in an online casino, he thinks he can play for free in an real casino as well.
The craps table
A man takes the translation of craps table too literally.
The steaks are too high
A man walks into the butcher shop and wants to make a bet with the butcher about reaching a piece of beef that’s hanging. The butcher tells him he’ll not bet on that, because the steaks are too high.
Tipping the blackjack dealer
A blackjack dealer wants a tip like a waiter, but the player only gives a tip when the blackjack gives him what he orders, a Queen.
What happens when you don’t drink or gamble
A man wants a bum coming to his house to show to his wife what happens if a man doesn’t drink or gamble.
Why poker is like sex
Two men explain that you don’t need a partner at poker if you have a good hand, much like sex.
Wife going to Las Vegas
A women thinks to earn a lot of money with sex in Las Vegas, but the husband doesn’t think so.
Wife pays the rent
A wife is paying the rent with sex because the husband lost all the money with poker, but the husband doesn’t know that she does it a lot.
Winning the lottery
A man wins the lottery and want his wife to leave the house.
Bad beat
A man is crying after playing poker and other players are laughing at him. When he’ll play online poker he wouldn’t have to experience that.
Cheating
A tourist is taking a safari tour with an African guide through a national park and asks him why gambling is forbidden. The guide tells him that it’s because they have cheetahs.
Helping your wife at poker
A husband tries to help his wife at the poker table and tells her she needs to call. The blond woman misunderstands him and grabs her phone instead.
Lost everything at poker
A woman comes home from a poker game and enters the bedroom naked, with only her purse over her shoulder to seduce her husband. He thinks she lost everything at poker, even her clothes.
Casino And Gambling Puns
Playing poker without a clue
Casino Gambling Pictures
Two people are playing poker and both thinking they’re the best but they don’t know what they’re doing.
Telling the truth
Casino Gambling Usgamex
A poker player displayed on the left and a politician displayed on the right.